


Radio Man

by rudbeckia



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen, Implied Murder, implied gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 13:59:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4140396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudbeckia/pseuds/rudbeckia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin only knows how to be one thing.<br/>Himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Radio Man

Hey there! Good morning listeners! Welcome to another day here in sunshine-filled Desert Bluffs! The Sun has been up for hours and hours and days and days. Can you remember the last time the sun didn't shine at us here in the friendliest little desert town? 

I bet you ca-an't!

I sure can't. I sure can't remember the day Carlos...  
Ahem.

The Sun is bright and hot today. Make sure you go out and soak up all those rays, go out into the hot sunlight and smile. Fill yourself with light and light and light until you feel like brimming over, spilling your light out into all the dark areas in whatever remains of your soul until you _are_ light. 

In today's news, there is a deserted, derelict, disorganised laboratory near the radio station, just waiting for the right beautiful scientist to take possession and return it to its former productive glory. It is a place filled with potential and memories and regrets and abandonment and lo... betrayal. 

And some broken glass so mind you don't cut yourself and blee...  
It would be a real shame if anyone got bloo...  
I like to go sit there when I take a well-earned, carefully timed break from my busy show schedule. It reminds me of fleeting friendships and misunderstandings.

So if you think you can take the place of Desert Bluffs's most productive scientist, pop into the station here and I'll have my Vanessa show you around. Or her double. It's so great having both of them here to help out. I never get lonely because I am never alone! 

And, of course, you thought I'd for-go-o-ot-ten! 

I have you guys! My hard-working and loyal listeners! It makes me so happy to think of you all, listening, hanging on my every word, waiting for news from outside... well. Waiting for news, anyway. I could never forget you, my dear listeners. You make me what I am.

Desert Bluffs's most popular radio host!

Ha! News from outside! Did you like my little joke, listeners? Did I make you smile? Did I make you laugh? There is no outside! Desert Bluffs is all there is, all there ever has been and all there ever will be.

Now, I said I'd give out a personal message. That's not something I like to do because I'd hate for you to think that I felt differently some listeners compared with others. I love each and every last one of you exactly the same amount.

Anyway, a nice lady called Rosie came by to say that she thought we shouldn't call the town Desert Bluffs, because Desert Bluffs was the name of an evil place. Oh how we laughed when I explained that Desert Bluffs is my home and I live here, so this must be Desert Bluffs! She let out the most enormous shriek and a chuckle when I said she could help me decorate the studio. So, because she asked me so nicely, Bobbie, Rosie is still here in the studio and you needn't worry about her ever again.

She has a nice smile. Such lovely teeth.

Oh! Vanessa says I am rambling and should tell you all some more news. Why thank-you Vanessa! I don't know how I would manage without you there in the producer's booth. I am waving and she is waving back at me through the window and smiling. When I lift my left hand to wave, she lifts her right hand to wave back. When I smile, she smiles too! We really were meant to be together.  
It's a real shame.

Moving on, listeners! 

I am delighted to announce... Oh, oh, oh this news item just tickles me! Wait 'til you hear this! It is going to be so much fun!

I am delighted to announce Desert Bluffs first Productivity Day!

It is... Today!

Oh I knew you would be just jazzed about it. All you have to do to take part is work as hard as you possibly can and strive to reach your full productive potential. If you are unsure of what your full productive potential is, please call in to the radio station and someone, probably Vanessa, will explain it to you in a way you will understand.

And you know the best thing? The ab-so-lute best thing? It never ends! Productivity Day ends when the sun sets and we can all enjoy some well earned down-time to recharge and...

Nothing in this wonderful desert community ever needs to be recharged, now, does it? We can all be as productive as we are required to be, from the rising of the Sun until the unravelling of all things.

Isn't this fun, Desert Bluffs?

How productive will you be today?  
Will you be productive enough?

My Vanessa is whispering to me. What's that you say, my dear? Ha! You are so right, as always my sweet ray of sunlight. The letter was mean and cruel. The scientist was mean and cruel to leave... to leave it here. We were so happy until he found a way back to... to...

Oh look! The Sun is shining and it is a wonderful day.  
A wonderfully productive day.

Well, Desert Bluffs, Vanessa tells me my time is up for now. Stay tuned for the sound of me making a warm, refreshing drink then I have a real treat for you... an outside broadcast from the rollercoaster! Why not meet me there if you are taking a break from work. I hear there are some just lovely sounds to listen to and remember for the rest of our lives.

Until next time, Desert Bluffs! Until next time


End file.
